Pitty Potty Train, this is my stop

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I feel like it has been such a long time since my life changed unexpectedly and yet I have days where it stings so bad like it is so fresh and raw, the heaviness doesn’t last long and it actually lasts less each time it sneaks up on me. I long for the day where I can think about the past and not end up feeling like crap, not even for a minute, where when I am driving and a song comes on the reminds me of what was that I can continue to listen to it or sing it and not have tears stream down my face.

It isn’t like I think about it often, in fact I don’t even really have to try to not think about my marriage and how it all came crashing down, it is just easy to enjoy each day of life and live in each moment with a smile on my face. But then there are those days where something triggers the sadness, the betrayal, the deep ugliness of lonely. It can be a song, something someone says, a smell. The good thing (amongst many) about relocating 1600 miles away from where I spent my whole life is that I can drive all over and there is not 1 place that triggers those feelings. It is all new, a fresh start no doubt.

I know that I am not the only woman going thru a separation, a divorce, an end. I am not the 1st and will not be the last. So many people I know have had their fairy tales end as well in the last 2 years and I have connected with so many others. Sadly… I am not 1 to ride the pity potty train, and if I happen to choose to board that train for whatever reason for whatever short amount of time I know I will get off at the next stop & be okay again. I am not 1 to feel sorry for myself, although I did spend many lost moments the 1st days stuck in this state of mind, I could not control those thoughts and feelings. I want to say it is “normal” feeling like that and for blaming yourself even when there is not 1 thing you could have done to change the other persons mind or actions. For some it last a few days, some weeks, some months, some years and some blame themselves the rest of their lives. I myself could not carry on like that. Blame, guilt and pity hung over my head as long as I allowed them too, a few weeks perhaps. Can’t be sure exactly when I stop letting those feelings control me, I just know that it wasn’t too long.

We all have that in each 1 of us. The strength to not allow any feelings control our thoughts and emotions whether they be good or bad, the ability to choose how we will react to each situation. No matter how rough our past was or how rocky our present is, we can all control how we respond to each day. I choose happiness I choose strength I choose to try my best to see the best in each situation. This does not mean that I will not have days or moments when I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and it doesn’t mean I will have no more days filled with tears but what it means that even when I allow myself to feel like a normal human and be sad for a moment or a full day that I will not stay in that state of mind, it means that I will look past the tears and know that moment will pass and I will smile again, a real smile that says I am strong and a choosing to live positive no matter how much crap I have or had in my lap.

We all have the ability to fill our hearts with faith and know that whatever we are going thru that our maker has a plan for us and will never leave our side. So many people preach how you should put your marriage 1st and how you should obey the vows and work thru whatever you are going thru to make it last. So many people have so much to say when people someone chooses to end their marriage or walk away from it as I did. They say God will guide you thru the rough times of marriage yada yada yada… Until you walk the path of pure in your face betrayal that ripped the hearts out of each 1 of your children and yourself, you cannot preach to me to “work it out” when there is nothing there to work out, when the other person becomes the enemy to your children and self, when I have to mend the hearts of each of them and myself. God put me on this path and He will see to it that we are guided each step. I see my marriage ending as God saying “I have something else in store for you” Not relationship wise but growth, change, faith, my time to blossom as a person, a woman a mother, a time for me to find me. And that is exactly what I am doing, thru each beautiful good day & moment, thru the smiles on each 1 of my children’s faces, thru the sound of their laughter and yes, thru the bad days, thru the tears.

Onward with a smile 🙂

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P.S. You are NOT alone! If you too are walking a rough road and need some guidance I would love to help you find your inner peace and happiness. Please feel free to contact me thru Ingenio. Let’s talk! http://life-coaching.ingenio.com/Coaching%20with%20Kelly

Mama Bear Plus 6

Must wear pants and bra for this

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I would never be able to count how many times I have heard people talk about their desire of working from home. Ah living the dream, not having to wear pants if they don’t want to or even a bra hahaha of course depending on what type or work at home field they choose. I ran a home child care for 8 years and yes I wore pants M-F 6am-6pm but I was working from home! I also ran a plumbing company from home virtually and on the phone and if I wasn’t already teaching preschool I could be pants & bra free all day! Truly loved what I did for numerous reasons! Work at home looks different for each individual!  I have also heard a few say that they could never work from home for various reasons. I myself am an entrepreneur, always have been. Whether I work from “home” or not my desire to work for myself runs my life.

 

I am a mama of 6,  #1 was born 20 years ago and with her birth my desire to be with my children every day was born with her. I was 17 when my 1st daughter was (go ahead, gasp, its expected). I had already had my 1st and 2nd jobs by then.

 

The  1st being at Dunkin Donuts and the 2nd at a childcare facility. When she was born I had taken time off from my job and had planned to go back when she was 8 weeks old. My plans were shifted as I dealt with the death of my mother just as I was suppose to return. (You can see more about that hurdle in a blog post on here “I wish Heaven had a phone”) Until my daughter was a year  old I stayed home with her before I returned to the childcare field where I could take her to work and be with her at all times. All this time wondering what kind of business I could start to be home with her and my future children.  I was young and dumb (as they say) I like to refer to it as naive. I had tried all sorts of stuff that I got in the mail from stuffing envelopes to babysitting to answering phones from home. None of this worked out for several reasons, scams and not enough inner drive or self discipline. Fast forward about 12 years & 3 more daughters! During which I went to college for medical assistant, pharmacy tech, computers, worked in childcare and still tried & failed numerous “work at home” scams & offers. None of it stuck, no passion, no drive, no fuel in any of those things aside from working with kids. Found myself pregnant with my 5th daughter and wanted out of the workforce but needed the 2nd income, I wanted to be a fulltime mother and knew there were other mothers that wanted their kids out of daycare facilities and if they couldn’t be with them they would love for another mother to be with them that could and would love them so I decided to open a childcare in my home.

 

8 years of awesomeness! 8 years of loving, nurturing, teaching & caring for numerous children most of which came to me less than 6 months old and stayed till they went to kinder! Many sets of amazing parents that became lifelong friends for which I am beyond grateful for! During the years I worked from home with the childcare I was also able to go school and get my Associates in Business Management. While I was running the childcare my spouse at the time and I also started a plumbing/handyman business that I managed from home which was also a neat adventure! As with any business it had some ups and downs but by far life changing in such a positive way and if I had not outgrown this adventure I would still be doing it. Anyone looking to work from home, love children & to teach, has tons of patience, and a safe environment should certainly look into running a licensed childcare facility in their home!

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With 95% of the children I had in my care going to kinder and knowing that I would have to start with a almost all new batch of kiddos, plus all my kiddos in school fulltime during the day, I chose to close my doors with the childcare (although I kept managing the plumbing company) and step out in the work force once again and put my degree to work as an office manager at a wonderful Alzheimer’s facility where I stayed till my children & myself relocated to WA state (yet another blog post if you want to read about that adventure) I enjoyed working outside the home and met a great team of people but the entrepreneur in me & the drive to help others just can’t be contained any longer!

 

When we got to WA state I knew for sure my plan was to work from home & was not going to pursue anything else but chasing my burning desire to help others and change the world 1 person at a time! We have been here over a year and I have worked from home since moving here along with studying at the School of Online Business and Coaching Cognition to become a life coach and grow my own business and create my own products. Who knew!? So my exciting, well paying, financial freedom, debt free future, chasing my dreams, living life to fullest, dream is all falling in place and coming together  & I truly owe it all the Man above for His guidance in my life every step of the way!

 

P.S. Are you or someone you know looking for a life coach, need some guidance in your life & with your future? You can reach me on Ingenio 🙂 http://life-coaching.ingenio.com/Coaching%20with%20Kelly

 

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Mama Bear Plus 6